Scrabble Wants Your Wordle to Get off Its Lawn

Hi, I’m Scrabble. You know that board game your grandparents played over glasses of sherry while you were listening to the hippity hops on your Walkmans? That’s me. I’m the original word game and I’ve been around for years unlike some newcomers to the genre. That’s right Wordle. I’m talking about you. Sure Wordle is cool or hip or whatever it is that you cats say these days but I’m the OG (I think I used that right).

Don’t get me wrong. Wordle is great if you’re not into spending quality time with friends and family over the course of an evening. Then again maybe you don’t have a single friend with the brain power it takes to play a game of my magnitude. Maybe you’re just too stupid to get me. That’s fine. I’m not here to judge.

I’m here to help because, let’s be honest, the world really needs me these days. Instead of competing like a big boy or girl or them (yeah I’m hip to the whole gender thing) you settle for the intellectual weak sauce of Worlde. Face it. Wordle is barely even a word game. There’s no artistry to it. Given enough chances an anteater with opposable thumbs could figure out the daily Wordle which is probably why you only get six shots at solving the puzzle in the first place. I couldn’t say. We’re not exactly on speaking terms.

Look I get it. The pandemic has been tough but it’s time to get back out there. Start competing like a goddamned adult and not on some soulless app that craps out a word once a day. Then again that might be what you want. I don’t agree but I get it. There’s no shame in knowing your limitations. The only thing I ask is that you stop embarrassing yourself by posting your Wordle score on the socials like some needy four year old looking for a pat on the head. You’re better than that.

I just want you to know that you’ve got a choice. If you want to stick with your little Worldle thingy then go ahead. If you’re looking for a game with two people, one board, a shitload of tiles and triple word scores you know where I am.

About the Author

derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.