Yuka (not yuck-uhh)

Last week, my wife downloaded an app on her phone called Yuka. It would be melodramatic to say that it’s ruined our lives, but it’s definitely made them more difficult. If you’re not familiar with Yuka (pronounced YOO-kah), it’s an app that analyzes the health impact of food and cosmetic products.

Basically, you scan a barcode and Yuka will give you an analysis of what you’re thinking about eating, wearing, or, depending on the situation, both. It sounds nice in theory, but the reality is that pretty much anything but organic produce raised by monks has the potential to kill you. Depending on how many fillers or sodium or any number of unpronounceable ingredients, the only question is “how long?”

I’m not even talking about consumables that we know are bad, like cigarettes or pork rinds. After a quick breeze through our pantry, my wife discovered that our favorite Bloody Mary mix had enough sodium to put us in the ground within the next five years. V8, apparently, isn’t a great substitute either for a similar reason. We didn’t get around to checking out pimento cheese in the fridge or the ice cream sandwiches in the freezer. There are some things that are better left unknown.

The upshot is that we’ll either be eating healthier or a lot less. Or, come to think of it, the more likely outcome is that we’ll still be eating the same things but with a mild sense of dread about the impact it may have on our longevity.

About the Author

derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.