Origins of a Cranky Old Man
I think I’ve discovered why older people can be so cranky. Now, normally I wouldn’t be all that curious about an issue that doesn’t have a direct and immediate effect upon me but I’m a bit cantankerous already and concerned that I might become…a bit too much to bear in my dotage.
Getting older isn’t all doom and gloom particularly if you’re a “glass half full” sort of person. For starters you’re still vertical which is something of an achievement. Eating at 4:00 in the afternoon and going to bed at 7:00 sounds pretty nice. Then there’s the opportunity to impart outdated bits of wisdom to anyone younger than you, which is practically almost everyone. I’m sure there are other benefits but, off the top of my head, that’s about it.
Of course, getting older isn’t all late afternoon buffets and boring anyone with dull anecdotes. There is a distinct downside to it all. The growth of vast thickets of ear and nose hair come to mind. Having to take a leak every half hour is another. Not being able to read anything that isn’t in font the size of a shovel is an ever-present concern and don’t get me started on the little hairs that sprout from nowhere and grow to the size of a fishing pole within a few hours.
I’m not even mentioning the other challenges that occur like the ability to lose the family car in your own driveway or the looming probability of incontinence (maybe I did but that’s just proof as to how far gone my mind is) or even spending the last few precious years of your life waiting for a doctor to look at your bunions This is, I might add, the best-case scenario. The others are, frankly, too terrible to even consider.
Pile all of this inevitable frustration and discomfort into the fact that you’re living in a world that you haven’t really understood for the past thirty years and it’s no wonder the elderly are prone to bouts of crankiness every once in a while. It won’t be too far off in the future until I find myself in a similar place…ranting as I root around in the dark for the “good” foot ointment while I try to figure out how to turn on a light switch because the technology for turning on light switches has somehow passed me by.
Then again maybe that time isn’t all that far off in the future. A few years ago my wife and I bought a new microwave oven and it took me a couple of hours to figure out how to turn it on to heat up my lunch. Up to then I’d never thought of operating a microwave as being particularly complicated. I’d managed to get this far in my life without pulling out a manual to learn how to warm up a cup of coffee or blow up a marshmallow. Yet there I was. Completely confounded by all the new knobs and buttons.
Anyway the whole thing seems to be a recipe for angst when it comes to the elderly. If someone could get on the problem before I find myself living in my daughter’s basement because no one else can stand to be around me, I’d appreciate it.
About the Author
derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.
