If I Had a Juicer

If I had a juicer

I’d juicer in the morning

I’d juicer in the evening

I’d juicer all over this land

— Derek Bremer

A friend of mine recently got me into juicing which I should probably clarify a little bit. I’m referring to the act of making juice and not injecting anabolic steroids. If this were a podcast and you’d be able to see me I can promise that the one thing you’d ever think was “I bet that guy’s into steroids”. Unfortunately, this isn’t a podcast and we’ll both just have to deal with the limitations of the medium I’ve chosen.

I can honestly say that juicing has changed my life but not in the way that I’d expected. If you’re unfamiliar with the act, the theory behind juicing is that various foodstuffs can be forced through a juicer whereby most of the calories and fiber are removed. The end result is a nutrient-rich beverage that looks like something someone would only drink on a dare. That’s my only quibble with juicing really. Aside from the time and expense it’s the color of the juice that puts me off. If there’s ever been an argument to be made for artificial food coloring it’s the way that most natural juices look without them.

Despite my issues with most juice’s color the first time I tried juicing I was hooked. I felt fantastic. Even better than fantastic. “This is how people feel when they go running,” I thought. It’s the runner’s high without the run. In hindsight I realize that the way that I’d felt may just be the way that people who aren’t middle-aged and a bit overweight feel most of the time. I’d also just had a few beers in rapid succession which may have clouded my judgement. Regardless of the cause I was sold.

My original concoction was a blend of celery, an apple or two, and ginger. Some citrus may have been involved as well. Kale was included for nutrients and to imbue the drink with a distinctly pallid color I only associate with gangrene. On a scale from one to ten the flavor was…a solid 4; unusual but altogether mostly palatable. The effects, as I’ve mentioned, were nothing short of amazing.

It was at that point that I knew that I was going to be a juicer. The next day I ran out to buy vegetables in bulk but the results of my second attempt at juicing turned out to be a tad lackluster. I only felt moderately more healthy than I had earlier. Undeterred, however, I plugged on and tried other recipes. To read more just click through to If I Had a Juicer on Medium!

About the Author

derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.