The Secret to My Massive Success

Spoiler alert – It’s Glasses

Do you yearn for prosperity but lack the experience or credentials to get it? Have your more educated and better-looking friends passed you by on the financial highway of life? My friend I feel your pain but, even more importantly, I am here to tell you that all is not lost.

Through my comprehensive three-step program I can teach anyone to make hundreds of thousands of dollars with minimal effort as a social media influencer. All it takes is a faulty moral compass and you’ll be bilking the guileless masses in no time!

The secret to my success has to do with the number three. Why? Because the average person is too dimwitted to remember more than three concepts at any one time. You’re not dimwitted are you? Good! Let’s get started!

First, you’ll notice my calm and slightly upbeat tone. It’s reassuring and confident and makes up for my lack of formal training in medicine or law or psychiatry or any number of other subjects that I pretend to know about.

Second, you’ll notice the way I dress. It’s nice but it’s not too nice. You won’t see me in a suit or even a tie like some sort of Wall Street tightass. On the other hand, you’ll notice that I’m not wearing a crusty Phish t-shirt like some sort of hobo. Instead, I’m just wearing a simple button-up shirt, open at the collar to show my viewers that I’m laid back and, yet, still professional.

My third and final secret? It’s asking questions just like that to engage my audience. Of course, they’re rhetorical questions but they make me sound like I care about your response when, in reality, I don’t!

But wait I’ve got another tip for all of you who have been here. I call it “The Bonus” and it’s just another tactic I use to appear to provide value to my readers. Just think of it as the encore at the end of a long concert that you didn’t want to go to in the first place but can’t seem to leave.

Are you ready? The real secret to my success is…glasses. People who wear glasses look like they are smart. That’s why I wear them sometimes and not just because I’m morally and intellectually bankrupt. As I’m speaking to you right now you’ll notice that my glasses lend me a bit of gravitas when I don’t even know what the word “gravitas” means. Please see point number one for reference!

Did you see what I just did there? I referred back to another part of my article! Again it’s not because I have anything that’s truly insightful to provide, I’m just trying to get as much traction out of this pitch as possible. You see the longer people linger on platforms the more likely my content is to show up on some unsuspecting sap’s social media feed and so on and so forth. It’s like herpes for digital media!

Thanks so much for your attention and don’t forget to sign up for my upcoming conference “The Real Secret of My Success: How to Make Thousands of Dollars with Conferences”.

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About the Author

derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.