Shelby Cox: Your MEGGA Candidate for Eighth Grade Student Council

It’s wonderful to see such a beautiful crowd in the gymnasium this afternoon. I’d like to thank all of you beautiful people for attending this mandatory assembly. Most of you probably know me, but for those of you who somehow don’t, my name is Shelby Cox and I want to be your MAGA representative for the eighth-grade student council.

Getting our country on the right track starts in schools like this one. I love the youth of our nation and not just because I am one. I believe the children are our future, but only the children who were born here legally and speak English. They are the future. Even the ones in wheelchairs and crutches. As long as they speak English and were born here legally I love them.

Now, unlike my competition “Soviet” Samantha Clark who wants to let these deadbeats in our school have access to lunches and laptops they didn’t pay for, I want to make Abraham Lincoln Middle School a place we can be proud of again. I like Lincoln. Some people say I’m a lot like him. I’m tall like Lincoln. Most people probably don’t know that but it’s true. I’m very tall for my age.

Soviet Samantha is not very tall. Look at her over there. She’s not tall at all and maybe that’s OK. What isn’t OK is how much she hates our school. “Soviet” Samantha hates this school so much that she wants to let dangerous immigrants into this public institution, but I won’t let her. To keep us all safe I will build a wall, the biggest most beautiful and secure wall anyone in this city has ever seen. And on that wall will be strong men and maybe some women with very large guns and other shooting things to keep the undesirables out.

I could pay for this wall myself but I won’t. Even though I’m very wealthy and could pay for fourteen walls just like the one I’m thinking of — and it is a beautiful wall made by very smart people — I won’t pay for it. Do you know why? Because it’s not fair. Instead, I will make those crooks over in North Lincoln Middle School pay for the wall because that’s where all of the vicious criminal children are coming from.

To read more just click through to Shelby Cox: Your MEGGA Candidate for Eighth Grade Student Council on Medium!

About the Author

derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.