One Dog (Slightly Incontinent) for Sale

We adopted a dog a few years ago and, other than being occasionally incontinent, she’s been just great. Her name is Tinkles and when she’s not suffering from her monthly urinary tract infection or destroying chair legs or pooping in the guest bedroom she has many redeeming qualities. Tinkles is not a Nazi sympathizer for example. She also does not vape. I’d list some more of Tinkle’s merits but I can’t think of any of them at the moment.

We love Tinkles but, like most new pets, she’s been something of a handful. Being her primary caretaker I’ve taken up the bulk of the responsibility in training her and it’s been quite the wild ride. Tinkles is a spirited dog and it only took about eighteen months to have her mostly house trained. Of course she’s prone to the occasional accident when she’s feeling a bit lonely or slighted or, sometimes, for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Tinkles is also a great eater. In fact, as far as Tinkles is concerned, anything is a potential foodstuff. I have seen her cheerfully consume bottle caps, plastic beads, toothpicks, and just about anything else we’ve carelessly ferreted away inside our cabinets or left in a closed drawer. Recently she’s has even taken to chewing up the carpet on our landing! Isn’t that something?

To make matters more exciting Tinkle’s willingness to challenge the concept of what is conventionally edible can cause her tummy to become upset but don’t worry! More often than not it comes out all right in the end. I used to get upset at her shenanigans but now I just view these sorts of incidents as one of our dog’s endearing little quirks. That’s a lie actually. I still get quite upset and I had the opportunity to become even more so just a few days ago.

We’d been caring for a friend’s guinea pig and Tinkles, the little devil that she is, got into the rodent’s feed and litter! The upside is that the event gave both me some good one on one time with our dog throughout the night as we observed (I’m not sure how to put this delicately) her evacuations. Occasionally these evacuations occurred in the yard where God intended dogs to shit. More often than not they occurred inside the house on a cherished rug or piece of furniture.

The good news is that Tinkles rebounded and my marriage is only slightly worse for wear. The bad news is that I don’t have the time or the energy for a dog with this much joie in her de vivre. We’d like to find Tinkles a new home and anyone interested in a slightly incontinent dog should feel free to contact me about her adoption before I decide to “go out for some cigarettes” and never come back.

About the Author

derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.