Charlie and the Magic Mushroom

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, there was a puppy named Charlie. Charlie was a happy dog who lived in a house with a large backyard and a big front porch and there were always lots and lots of things to smell and taste and chew and eat.

One day, just before dinner and after he had finished chewing on the couch, Charlie was digging holes in the vegetable garden and he found a mushroom. Now, Charlie was a happy dog and not at all considered to be at risk for substance abuse much less hallucinogens, but he was a puppy and, being a puppy, Charlie did what puppies do. He ate the mushroom and it took him on a journey to a strange new place but that is getting a bit ahead of things.

Charlie had eaten quite a few things over the course of his short time in his new house: a patch of carpet, gloves, chair legs, acorns, spiders, a different patch of carpet and even kale. Charlie’s first reaction to any new stimulus, be it flora or fauna or anything else, would be to gobble it up without a second thought or, perhaps, even a first. It would be safe to say that Charlie approached the world orally and, for the most part, the approach worked out pretty well until, that is, the day he ate the magic mushroom.

It was a fairly innocuous looking mushroom and only caught his interest because it could easily fit into his mouth. Now, Charlie’s owners had noticed the mushroom as well. In fact his owners had noticed quite a few mushrooms around the yard and had even done their best to remove them because they knew that puppies like to eat things that, perhaps, weren’t meant for puppies to consume.

Despite his owner’s best efforts however, the mushroom was in the backyard close to the back porch and when Charlie found it he gobbled it right up. Quite suddenly, his parents began to make a great fuss. The woman owner yelled and male owner sighed and then they both grabbed him and tried to get the mushroom out of his mouth but it was too late. Charlie had swallowed the mushroom.

The next few minutes were a very exciting time for Charlie which was good because Charlie liked excitement. His male owner began talking into something in his hand and the thing talked back. His female owner began looking at something in her hand and she looked worried and kept shaking her head and making concerned sounds. It was all very exciting and then, just when Charlie thought the day couldn’t become any more exciting, they put him in the car!

Charlie loved the car! The car always took him somewhere new unless, of course, it didn’t. Sometimes the car went to a gas station and sometimes it was to a kennel and sometimes it was just so that one of his owners would drive around and around because the other “just needed some peace and quiet so that she could get some work done.”

This time the car took Charlie to a place he had never seen before. This place was also very exciting and inside it he could hear other animals. Some of the animals he could recognize as dogs and even puppies but there were other animals he could not quite understand and so, Charlie stayed still in his father’s lap and he listened and then he fell asleep because, sometimes, listening is hard.

When he woke up a person took him inside the place and petted him and looked at his eyes and in his mouth and even put something in his butt before the person left him alone in a crate. Charlie liked the crate. It reminded him of the crate he had at home and, even though it didn’t have his bed or his towel, he still liked it because Charlie was a puppy and Charlie liked just about everything.

Charlie didn’t realize that he had fallen asleep again until a different person woke him up and put him on a cold and shiny table. A big buzzer took off the hair on one of his front legs and then there was a sharp prick that hurt just a little bit. His front leg was covered with a something that stuck to his skin that he couldn’t remove with his teeth no matter how hard he tried but, soon, more new and exciting things began to happen!

The person gave Charlie something to drink that made his tummy feel rumbly and made him throw up. The person also made Charlie drink something else that was black which was fine because Charlie was a puppy and he liked to drink new things almost as much as he liked to eat new things or old things or in-between things or, really, any such thing as long as it could fit into his mouth.

The person put Charlie in a crate that was still not like his crate from home but now he was in another room with other dogs. Some of the dogs were quiet and some of them were sad and some of them were as excited as Charlie. Charlie watched the other dogs and listened and then fell asleep again because, as he had learned earlier, listening and watching is hard work.

When he woke up the next day, his owners came to pick him up which was good because Charlie missed his family. His owners were also happy to see Charlie and, even though his adventure was so very exciting, all adventures need to come to an end. Even ones that start with a magic mushroom and end up costing $648.84.

About the Author

derekbremer Prior to his life as a stay at home father Derek spent more than a decade performing public relations and marketing functions for financial consulting firms and found the job to be precisely as exciting as it sounds. When not tending to his wife or daughter Derek enjoys subjecting the public to his unique take on fatherhood, travel and animal husbandry. He has been published in Scary Mommy, Sammiches and Psych Meds, The Good Men Project, HowToBeADad, Red Tricycle, RAZED, HPP and the Anthology "It's Really Ten Months Special Delivery: A Collection of Stories from Girth to Birth.